"Roger, you can't go on. You must unplug from ministry and church for an extended period of time. You have no choice!"

I had never been so shocked or devastated as when I heard these words from Dale, a trusted friend who counsels pastors in the throes of clinical burnout. I was completely unprepared to accept his professional opinion even though, deep in my heart, I knew I was experiencing an emotional emptiness unlike anything I had previously known.

"How long do you mean?" I asked.

"At the minimum, six months," he told me matter-of-factly. "But most probably, you need twelve to eighteen months to get back on your feet."

I can't begin to express the level of unbelief and anguish I experienced as he said this.

I was the founding pastor of a ten-year-old church that had been blessed with traditional success markers: consistent growth in numbers, new buildings, a well-developed and funded staff, and a vision for an even bigger future. We were on our way! Except for one thing: Something had happened to the lead pastor. I was literally unable to continue doing what I had been doing for years-leading and guiding our church forward toward that traditional definition of "success."

As I walked through the agony of telling my Board what was happening to me, they were as surprised as I was. They already knew that I was undone in some way, but they were unfamiliar with the level of depression and burnout I was experiencing. After all, I had always been the epitome of strength, even during difficult times, vulnerable yet durable. They offered me a generous, long-term sabbatical. They cried for me and with me. They were as supportive as any group of people could be. Yet I could barely rally myself to get up in the morning, let alone continue to guide this church family.

Perhaps even more difficult was the deep sense I felt that I would never return to ministry the way I had known it. Perhaps I would never even return to this church that I loved so dearly. As it turned out, I was correct on both counts. But rather than cast me aside, God was about to use this dark time in my life as an awakening of sorts, a paradigm shift that would completely re-define my understanding of both "church" and "ministry…"